A mate of mine just had an accident in Burgess Hill. His claim form is amusing:
The old Jasper Carrot issues aside, there are a few others I have not heard of before… I thought I’d share
- A guy drove into a cow (common in South Africa!) to the question “What warning did you give?” he answered “Horn”. To the question “What warning did the other party give, he answered “Moo”
- I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary that I thought.
- I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
- Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
- I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.
- I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight
- I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.
- A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face
- In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
- I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
- I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
- The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
- “My car got hit by a submarine.” (The Navy informed the wife of a submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base to meet her husband and parked at the end of the slip where the sub was to berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the water. The Navy paid the compensation claim.)