Anyhow, this story amused me no end today.

As an ex developer and business analyst of some 20 years the story starts with he age old hatred of the sales guy, and I immediately sided with Gerald. The story continues with the (also age old) story of half a dozen workable solutions being shot down for some idiotic reason or other and then finally ending up with a massively complex and costly solution… and the sting in the tail.. for a single user.

This reminds me of a recent project I was partly involved in. We had spend the best part of a year redesigning our server infrastructure to reduce the complexity and remove the incompatibility of multiple software applications interfering with each other. I was very proud of the solution – it was almost beautiful in its simplicity and resilience. A month or so later my utopia was sullied…

The management had announced that they had reviewed many Management Information applications and decided on one, and now that all the hard work of decision making and procurement had been done, all we had to do now was to install it and implement the needs of the business – apparently this should only take us a couple of weeks.

Hmmm….

Systems – Ok, can we please see your requirements?
Business – Errrrrrm, what’s that then?

Systems – Can we see the systems specs you need to run the software?
Business – Errrrrrrm, We’ll give you the contact details of the vendor.

<Sigh>

The really niggling thing was that we already had an in-house reporting tool that could connect to ANY data source and report on it. All that was needed was a simple input front end and some graphics on the output, which could be done with some macros in excel – an entire process that could have been performed in 1 month by 2 people. Instead we ended up spending several dozens of thousands of pounds on licensing a product that only just kinda outputs the same mess that we previously had just not quite as fast, and several months by a cast of dozens to implement the underlying implementation that we had to coerce because the application didn’t support what we wanted anyway.

The only reason I can see that this was done was that one person wasn’t able to use Excel.

But it’s even worse than that… the existing system aside, there are several well trained and qualified people around that ‘one person’ that would have cherished the opportunity to update the excel version at no real cost and in a fraction of the time.

You have to love “business”.

I dunno, maybe it’s worth the sofa surfing porn raid… you still have one hand free to pull yer keks up when the missus walks in, and there is no more squinting at a tiny screen, so it’s probably good for perving without the cloud of macular degeneration and the cost of surgery.

Phanbouy nirvana??? hmm… I think even the hardcore among us will be a little sad inside. I think that really it’s just a Newton version 2.

http://www.wired.com/news/images/full/newton_f.jpg

Maybe the third version will be better – you know, like the iPhone was.

…are actually weakly genetic freaks and shouldn’t be allowed to breed.

But that also defines most Americans, French and people from Essex, but they seem to be allowed to breed. Another double standard perhaps?

Enter Mechdrew.

I am not attempting to bypass Mechdrew’s excellent set of tools or his process and chances are my post is now out of date I did have to alter the process a little bit so I thought I would clarify what I did for prosperity. BTW, I didn’t want dual boot, and so don’t ask me anything about it.

The mini 9 does not come with a CD ROM drive, but I had an external one, and this process seemed the easiest. There are processes for doing it all via meory stick, but again, my choice was the CD method. The Retail edition of Snow Leopard is Dual Layered… 7.5GB… make sure your CD can read it.

You will need a retail edition of OS X (I used 10.6 – Snow Leopard anything else and go find another process). This will also nearly fill the 8GB internal drive, I’d recommend an upgrade with a Runcore SSD – they are cheap and immensely fast. While you’re at it, buy more memory… You can never have too much memory.

From mechrdrews download site, download the following components.

• NetbookCD 0.8.3 RC4 ISO (and burn it to a blank CD)
• NetbookInstaller 0.8.2 Final (and put on a memory stick)
• NetbookInstaller 0.8.3 RC4 (and put on a memory stick)
• About this Mac (and put on a memory stick)

Yes, get both the NetbookInstallers – this is important! 0.8.4 may fix the bug that means you need to do this this, but for now… get them both. If you do not, you will not be able to reset your BIOS to disable legacy USB support which in tern will mean you will not get sleep to work properly at the end of the process.

So, boot off the NetbookCD. When you get to the chameleon boot loader eject the disk and slip in the Snow leopard DVD. wait a few seconds then press F5 (fn + G) when the list of items change, select the “Mac OS X Install DVD”. And you’re off.

• Select your language and press Continue.
• Press Continue on the Welcome screen.
• Press Agree.
• Go to Menu Bar>Utilities>Disk Utility….
• Select your internal drive and delete anything on it.
• Create a new volume formated as Mac OS Extended (Journaled)
• Press Apply.
• When finished, closed Disk Utility.
• Select your newly-formatted drive, press Continue.
• The process then continues.
• Installation will probably get to the end and report that it has failed. Again, this is normal, just press Restart.

I had to then boot back off the NetbookCD but I eventually got to the Mac Desktop (after following the steps to install a user and connect up to my local wireless)

Plug in your memory stick with the tools above on them. Open the zip file with NetbookInstaller 0.8.2, then one that has unpacked, run it. Do the same with 0.8.3. Then finally run the About this mac package. This is the moment of truth. Shut down your system.

Disconnect your CD drive and power on… it should get to the mac desktop.

Right, now you need to ensure you have disabled “Legacy USB support” in your BIOS, so reboot and go into the setup, then let the machine reboot again. Everything (bar the mic and the SD slot in my case) should now work. You may need to BIOS tweak to get my issues fixed, and I’ll keep you posted.

For interest, I used a retail copy of Snow Leopard 10.6.0. Mechdrew says to not use software updater however that worked for me.

I work for a large company that prides itself on being a “diverse and inclusive” employer, and even has a “Code of Conduct” for all employees that means you can get the sack if you are in any way ‘negatively discriminant’… positive discrimination though – that’s finer than the finest fine thing on a fine day in Fineville!!

So the company I work for, somehow managed to get a ‘womans’ network. Why? Are we no longer supporting our “Code of Conduct”? Or are women still so inadequate that they need support?

They probably get round the ‘Diversity’ issue by supporting pretty women, ugly women, fat women, skinny women and lesbians – and get round any ‘inclusion’ issues by “inviting” men to come along.

Or, are women playing on the “Code of Conduct” has the acronym “COC” so does not apply to them?

Because of the economic situation, our company also has the slogan “Spend company money like you would your own”… If this hypocrisy is allowed to continue, I’m gonna start buying shares in Brantano cuz it looks like we may be taking them over soon.

Poor diddums. There are a few points though that have aggravated me slightly.

I have been on holiday for the last couple of weeks and I go back on Monday, but already I am not sleeping because of fear and dread of the mess I will be going back to – The two faced hypocrisy, the double standards and the shite they call “Communication”… but then I read this shite in the Guardian and I think to myself… what a wonderful world… oh, no, hang on, didn’t mean to get all “Louis Armstrong” on you, sorry about that.

Point 1a. When Gordy makes a phone call, there is a press release… hmm… ok, When Barack receives this phone call they issue a press release… were is this going to end… When Gordy phones his missus is there a press release? What about the bowel motions of the leader of this great nation, I don’t seem to remember the press office issuing anything on the state of the porcelain after Gordy’s trip to India (that’s a curry related link there – just so you know )

Point 1b. Although the US press release understands the fact it’s up to the Scottish, Barack is “disappointed” about the release of Megrahi. Ok, fine, but why is this newsorthy? Well, if one is disappointed, then fair enough, but if you are “disappointed”, well this is a different kettle of fish. The quotes around the word mean that “although I say the words, you know what I mean really (nudge nudge, wink wink) but I’m not allowed to say ‘Fucking Outraged’ in case I offend you”. So, does this mean that Barack is having a bit of a poke at Gordy? Well back off USA, he’s our village idiot, and only we can take the piss. (Oh, Ironically he is Scottish, and didn’t I read somewhere about an oil deal with Libya… nah, must be coincidence)

Point 2. the ’special’ relationship. Gordy mentions that this is “as strong as ever”, but Barack didn’t mention it at all… ok, what special relationship is this? is it the one where we do whatever the US says? Well, that’s not every special for us because we are a piss-ant little nation with no spine in the leadership, and it’s certainly not special for the US because they expect every nation to capitulate to their interpretation of democracy. If the relationship was really ’special’ then they would send us their passport information, as well as us having to send them all of ours.

Point 3. Ed Davey is an arse. He said “al-Megrahi caused the outrage that has crossed continents and damaged our relationship with our closest ally, America.”… Hmm.. “closest Ally, America”… You fuckwit, Isn’t our closest ally actually Europe? Or at worst France?

Point 4. Nicholas Watt and Ewen MacAskill (the writers of the article), you are sexists arses. Spokesman and Spokeswoman? Really? Did you miss the memo about the gender neutral “Spokesperson” tag now? I think we could probably 90’s it up a bit though. Like the progression of “Chairman” -> “Chairperson” -> “Chair” this means the new word should be “Spokes” – how blingin is dat?

Oh no, not this again.

I thought we had dealt with the annoying and completely irrelevant point of the pay gap for women. And blacks, and the disabled, and well, I thought we had been though the lot and fair-ificated it all… seems we are slacking again… but why? Are we all just sexists? Did we just do it all in the first place to shut everyone up, hoping no-one would check in the future? Or, is there a reason why women get paid less.

Where I work, my female boss gets paid 100% more than I do – is that fair? Sure she has a great pair of breasticles, but is that really enough? Well, technically she is my boss, so you would expect her to be paid more, isn’t this just a complete load of demographics? On the one hand the BBC article say that the disparity is because there are not so many women reaching the higher positions… this would suggest that the survey performed by the Equality and Human Rights Commission is a complete load of wank. The argument is no longer that women are being passed over for men in the same role, but that women are not being paid enough because, well, I’ll skweem and skweem until I get a pay rise.

I bet that if you find a role that requires general luvy-duvyness, hand holding, wearing less clothing, talking about make-up, cooing over babies, or gossiping about how Dave and Mildred are now sleeping together, then I bet you will also notice a higher than 50% smattering of women in that niche area.

Lets look at some of the issues as I see them.

Multitasking… All women say they do it all the time, and that men are incapable of it… well, it may not actually be a good thing according to the Register relating to a recent stanford report. Sure it’s cool to be thinking about whether you have a suitable amount of cleavage exposed, the weather, what you are going to cook tonight, if your make-up needs refreshing as well as the press release you are about to send – but how much better would that press release be if you concentrated 100% on that.

Nicer place to work… Well, since the introduction of women into my workplace the scenery is a lot better, but that’s about all that’s good. Conversation has dropped, rules about conduct sky-rocket, productivity is in the gutter, and there is a global recession on for god’s sake… You cannot tell me women had no hand in that.

Maternity leave… Ok, my biggest bug-bear. Either we are equal rights, or we are not. Either men and women are equal or they are not… well, guess what… generally they are not. Physically they are different, mentally they are different, emotionally they are different, on what are men and women equal? In an equal world, men would have equal right regarding child care. The courts would weight the case for custody equally when people get divorced. Men would also get 6 months off work at full pay to help look after their new born… but on what planet is this acceptable? Look at the consequence of the converse… That huge oil deal, that huge financial buy, that signing of property rights… what would happen if a company said, “Sorry, can you wait 6 months as the CEO is off on Parental Leave?” Well, women can “promise” that they won’t go and have kids I suppose, but it’s illegal to even ask that, and you certainly cannot enforce it or sack a woman for not turning up. Hell I reckon it’s even illegal these days to temporarily put a man in a woman’s role in case of ‘the message’ this would send.

Support groups… ok, my second biggest bug-bear. In the diverse and inclusive company that I work in we have a “woman’s network”. We were never allowed to have a “Men’s network” as this is sexist and elitist, but a woman’s network isn’t? Sure they let men in, but their mandate is “Supporting women in the workplace”… erm… hello!! Now, women either need “supporting” because they are incompetent/inferior and this is positive discrimination, or this is a simple case of sexism against men.

At the end of the day, sure, there are butch lesbians that can carry a landrover up a ladder and would make excellent builders. Sure, there are raging homo blokes that are ‘colour aware’ and make excellent hair dressers. But are roles really that biased? If someone agrees to a performance contract and meets it, they should be entitled to the rewards it brings. Just because there are not so many women in the higher echelons of the world is this really a problem? Not all men get to the top either but this is deemed fair.

I also seem to remember a very awesome female prime minister, but to be fair in today’s world, would you be comfortable with a person who is psychologically unhinged 5 days per month in charge of the largest arsenal of nuclear weaponry on the planet – there will never be a woman president of the United States of America.

10 marines died for this as well. This is truly sad. Who gives us the right to impose our so-called freedom on another state? What’s more depressing is that some stupid idiot thought that this might actually have a chance at working.

Should we not go in to free those enslaved by dictatorship, those who are being tortured for no reason… My personal opinion is that while this is really bad shit, NO we should not go in. Or if we do we need to do it because it is morally correct, and do it fairly and equally across the board, not just to those we have a bit of grudge against or those who’s country we need to be on our side because of it’s oil interests. Admittedly we have to prioritise, but I don’t see the atrocities in western and southern Africa being sorted any time soon… Oh, with the exception of Angola, whose government we are not attempting to demolish because of the mass genocide, but actually negotiating with because of the rich offshore oil fields.

Politics is two-faced there is no doubt, but in the end they are there to run the country in the best interests of the citizens that elected them. So just be honest. Allow the tree hugging hippies to demonstrate, and attempt to vote you out the next time round. Also honesty is the best policy because you can then feely admit that you are gonna go in, get the person that you want, destroy their ability to fight back just out of spite and it saves millions on spin doctors and trying to convert the country to a new religion… ah, the crusades… those were the good old days.

Admittedly most of those that died in the plane crash were Americans, still I was under the impression that we had a justice system but this is starting to really get on my pecks. White collar crime where people are not harmed but corporate money is “borrowed” temporarily… 10 years and you do the lot. Murder 270 people… ah, well, you’re not well, so off you pop, hope you’ve learnt your lesson. The fucker hasn’t even served 9 years yet!

Screw compassion for the murdering arse. What about compassion for the victims? What about their families? What is this message saying?

In a society where people are terrorised into staying in their houses for fear of insult or attack and the strongest punishment for the yobs that cause this is an ASBO, it’s not really surprising that we are going to hell in a hand basket, but allowing this man to go home to his family and to be received as a hero of the nation because of what he did is sickening.

Next you’re gonna be telling me that Ian Brady is a reformed man – hell we let Myra Hindley out. Rose West anyone? She hasn’t been in jail very long. The next thing to hit the streets is that it will be against someone’s human rights to lock them up in the first place. Or locking them up causes “stress”. This is why I think they should have the following options:

• Prison for the rest of their lives;
• Euthanasia;
• Medical or scientific research trials;
• Celebrity death island.

I hope the Scottish government dissolves in a pile of it’s own vomit – the bunch of fucknuts.

Mind you, what are we getting from Lybia in return for this little deal?

An enlightened language, for example PHP, will treat a null in the same way as zero, false, and an empty string during general operational mode. If you want to go into EXCEPTION based logic, you can detect null with an equivalence check. Why is this good? well, for a start, the whole point about EXCPETIONs is the fact they are an EXCEPTION to the standard business logic, which means you have to understand what you’re trying to do at any particular point.

Take an address for example, just because it does not have a postcode does not make it invalid – well unless you live in Ohio. A postcode not being present in a UK system could be an indicator of several things

• an overseas country.
• someone who has forgotten their postcode.
• someone who just moved house and doesn’t know their postcode.
• someone talking on behalf of someone else and not knowing their postcode.

If you wrote a letter and didn’t put the postcode on it, would the Post Office put the letter in the bin? No… well, they may do where I live, but generally NO!

Now, what if your system were tracking usage by postcode… well, this is a different kettle of digits. If you’re tracking usage of something by postcode then you would generally expect there to be one. In the event a postcode is missing you have 2 options. Either log the fault and move on (i.e. it’s important to log whatever you are doing, but add a bin for “Unknowns”), or it’s not important in which you can stop what you’re doing and do the next one (an exception can be used here).

An exception (in my not so humble opinion) is a glorified GOTO command that basically gets you round some error checking and nested IF’s… would you use a GOTO in your code? no. (Well hopefully not anyhow).

Exceptions are not a lazy alternative to proper error checking.