What am I jibber jabbering on about? The recent outing from work via facebook. But the doctors opinion? If you are so fucking stupid that you are able to get caught by this then you need some more chlorine in your gene pool.

The best bit is though, that all of these people were grassed up by so called “friends”.

The way to get round this trick you imbecilic morons is also simple. When you go in for your lobotomy, just put a status in facebook “Off on a sickie today”. When your sister gives birth to your child and you get paternity leave, put “Abducted by Aliens”. When you are allowed holiday use “Wooo! an entire 2 weeks of sickies!”. Most important of all… when you are genuinely off on a sickie, for fuck sake, don’t put it on facebook.

As for having mates that will grass you up, I have no cure for that. You are an idiot.

King Ted’s article

To be honest I love “The register”, it is a source of many a frank discussion, and usually quite accurate information, but this post had me in stitches. It kind of rivals my post on the cloud attack by a so called tech guru, but this one suggests a very plausible reason why people buy straight into the hype, oh and it is bloody funny to boot.

A buddy of mine suggested that would be loading the google OS onto his new ASUS Eee 901, and having been on holiday for a month I thought I may have to investigate this some more… mental note, then this… Maybe it’s the same thing. Once I have stopped giggling like a girlie I may look it up some more… maybe not

For a large company who wrote their own software, force you into one supported hardware configuration, enforcing only one supported software layout and who built the delivery mechanism into their own system, you’d think that delivering software would not cause that much of a problem.

Also being an ISO9001/2 registered company you’d think quality would be high on their agenda… but alas, the ISO registration just ensures that business processed are there to delivery quality to the company, not their customers.

Look at the Aquila business model though:

• Expensive development charged to the customer
• Deliver crap and charge the customer
• Fix the crap and charge the customer

Where is the incentive to delivery quality first time. It’s not like they have to worry about competition either.

The following”early design” logo was initially rejected as it was a little too direct.

Germany is a Dukedom because it was ruled by a Duke.

So who ruled France, it is just a coun-try.

Oh la la…

Oh la nah…

Gallic Wars

Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War

Mostly lost, saved at last minute by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; “France’s armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.” Oh, and she was sainted.

Italian Wars

Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion

France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

Thirty Years War

France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Revolution

Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaus.

The Dutch War

Tied

War of the Augsburg League/King William’s War/French and Indian War

Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession

Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

American Revolution

In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as “de Gaulle Syndrome”, and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; “France only wins when America does most of the fighting.”

French Revolution

Won. But primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars

Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War

Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France’s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I

Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States (Oh, and the Brits may have had a hand in that as well). Thousands of French women find out what it’s like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn’t call her “Fraulein.” Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline (Possibly a plus here though).

World War II

Lost. Conquered French liberated by Britain and the States just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina

Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

Algerian Rebellion

Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; “We can always beat the French.” This rule is identical to the First Rules of warfare for the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Eskimos.

War on Terrorism

France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald’s.