Hero of the week again
No, Ted Dziuba is not an alias of mine, but this post made me larf so hard a peed a little.
Yet another fleecing
Well, it’s been a while since I had a pop at Aquila, so it must be about time again 
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Failure at the playground
I currently work in an environment that is so frustrating due to the lack of communication in general, but I think it pales into insignificance when compared with the Olympic logo design committees around the world. Not satisfied with their last attempt for London in 2012, then decided to lend a hand to the Chinese committee for Beijing 2008. (more…)
Doms and their owners
The United Kingdom is a Kingdom because it was ruled by a king (back in the politically incorrect days of a bygone age).
Germany is a Dukedom because it was ruled by a Duke.
So who ruled France, it is just a coun-try.
Paris in the spring
Ah, the Cuisine, ah, the om-be-ance… but wait a minute… there’s a Paris in Kentucky USA as well. The difference is quite startling however..
Oh la la…
Oh la nah…
French Military
I have been watching in awe recently about the french… they were all so friendly when they got invaded by the Germans, but then they started testing nuclear weapons, and now they are slightly miffed about going to war with Iraq. I decided to do a little digging into the french military record…
Gallic Wars
Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War
Mostly lost, saved at last minute by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; “France’s armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Oh, and she was sainted.
Italian Wars
Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion
France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War
France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Revolution
Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaus.
The Dutch War
Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William’s War/French and Indian War
Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession
Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
American Revolution
In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as “de Gaulle Syndrome”, and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; “France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
French Revolution
Won. But primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars
Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War
Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France’s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
World War I
Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States (Oh, and the Brits may have had a hand in that as well). Thousands of French women find out what it’s like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn’t call her “Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline (Possibly a plus here though).
World War II
Lost. Conquered French liberated by Britain and the States just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina
Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
Algerian Rebellion
Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; “We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of warfare for the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Eskimos.
War on Terrorism
France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald’s.
