Obviously you are all aware of Schrodinger’s cat, but have you ever heard of Schrodinger’s socks. It goes like this.

Socks start off as pairs, but which is the left and which is the right. In fact they are both and neither at the same time. And the really interesting thing is that the instant you put one sock on your left foot, the other sock becomes a right sock.

Taking this a step further, if you don’t observe the fact you have put a sock on your left foot, is the other sock still a right sock, for example, in this state, are you more likely to put the second sock on your left foot, and therefore having a second left sock. Going further, in this eventuality, should you take the socks back to the shop, and on the way order your copy of “Whacknut Quarterly”.

O.k. If you got this far and you haven’t fallen into a coma, there is a technical explantion of Schrodinger’s cat on wikipedia. However here is a lay-persons translation.

Schrodinger’s cat is a quantum mechanics conundrum, this basically means it does not really exist, and should not be tried at home with real cats. Basically you stick a cat in a box with some poison attached to a geiger counter monitoring some radioactive substance. At some point the geiger counter triggers the poison and kills the cat. The issue is basically about whether the cat is alive or dead at any given time, and that the wank folk in quantum doo-dah land say the cat is in both states at the same time until you observe the cat and the cat then chooses a state to be in.

You could see how this would seem miraculous to muppets that invent a thing called a Quark, and classify it as one of 6 categories (Up, Down, Left, Right, Strange and Charm)… the first 100 times or so the cat would be alive upon observation, but at some point, regardless of whether the poison was triggered by the geiger counter or not, I reckon you would find little paw marks around the poison container cuz the bloody cat would actually want to be dead.

You can take this Schrodinger thing a step further. If the hypothisis is that while the cat is in the box it is both alive and dead at the same time and only decides at the instant you peek, then there is an interesting possiblity. what if you started with a dead cat? You close the box, it will go into the “alive/dead – can’t decide” state… when you open the box again, could it be brough back to life?

Is that why they put nails in coffins?

This has an interesting global side effect… If we just let global warming continue, then it will fix itself… admittedly this would most likely be after another ice age, but hell, in 70 years it’ll be someone else problem anyhow.

As we all assume, knowledge is power.

knowledge  =  power

And as we all know, time is money.

time  =  money

As every engineer knows, power = work / time.

power  =  work  /  time

Substituting for power and money we get:

knowledge  =  work  /  money

Rearranging so we solve for money, we get:

money  =  work  /  knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make, consequently, your manager makes more that you do.

If you represent the alphabet in numerical form, like this…

Then, you can use use simple addition to see how far you are getting at work. For instance, “Knowledege” of your chosen subject area…

But, see how close “Hard Work” gets you…

And, it just goes to prove, that having the right “Attitude” really does help…

But, if you can’t be bothered, or don’t know the answer, you could always just “Bullshit“…

At the end of the day though, the best way to get ahead in business is, as usual… “Ass kissing“…

In summary though, Bullshit and ass-kissing will always get you further than Knowledge and Hard work.

Everyone knows that if you have a shape, its area does not change. if you make a shape out of shapes, then the bigger shapes area does not change either… no matter how you re-arrange the bits…

Justifying this another way… If you have a large area, and cut it into smaller parts, the area you get when you put it back together has to be the same…

so how does this work…

Thanks Robin (and Liz) for eventually sorting this out for me.

First off we let a = b.
a   =   b

Next We multiply both sides by a
a2   =   ab

Next We can add a² to both sides
2a2   =   a2 + ab

Next We can subtract 2ab from both sides
2a2 - 2ab   =   a2 - ab

We can simplify this with factorisation
2 (a2 - ab)   =   a2 - ab

Dividing both sides by (a² – ab)
2   =   1

Three friends go to dinner. At the end of the dinner the bill arrives and it is £30 (sterling) Each friend puts in a tenner and the waiter goes back to the till… looking at the bill the waiter realises he has made a mistake and it was only £25, as the till is low on change and there is only 3 of them, the waiter gives each man a pound back, and pockets the other £2.

Each man has paid £9, thats £27, plus the £2 the waiter took, thats £29..

What happened to the other £1

Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Administratium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass.”

You will know it when you see it.

First off we state that men require time, money, women and sex.
men   =   time   x   money   x   women   x   sex

Since we know time is money.
time   =   money

Therefore…
men   =   money   x   money   x   women   x   sex
men   =   money2   x   women   x   sex

For most men, women are the best source of sex.
women   =   sex

Substituting into our master formula.
men   =   money2   x   women   x   women
men   =   money2   x   women2

We know that money is the root of all evil
money   =  

So…
money2   =   evil

Therefore…
men   =   evil   x   women2

And since we have already proven that women are evil.
women   =   evil

Therefore we are forced to conclude…
men   =   evil   x   evil2
men   =   evil3

Some more proof that I recieved (from a woman) also showed…

We have proven that women are evil.
women   =   evil

And since women are a source of sex.
women   =   sex

Women have just proved that they do believe…
sex   =   evil

Taking all this a step further…

Women think masturbation is evil.(well, thats what they say)
masturbation   =   evil

and since men are very evil.
men   =   evil3

Women have just proven that men are all a bunch of wankers…
men   =   masturbation3

As we know, women require an enormous amount of time and money.
women   =   time   x   money

Since we know time is money.
time   =   money

Therefore…
women   =   money    x   money
women   =   money2

We know that money is the root of all evil
money   =  

So…
money2   =   all evil

Therefore we are forced to conclude…
women   =   all evil