Why the science candidate is standing for Parliament

Until the comment about “Wouldn’t you want to know that decisions are being made with by people who ‘do so from a position of scientific understanding’”

Now, see, it was just them and us to start with, god vs science, but then you had to throw in some politics and now I’m aggravated. Let me start by saying that I’m a firm believer in the majority of science having a PhD myself, but probably not for the reasons scientists usually bang on about. Predictability and provability. Lets discuss.

Predictability
So the scientists argue that they can predict with a fair amount of certainty the outcome of a lot of physical problems. For example the complicated science of sending things to orbit Jupiter or land on the moon (assuming we did actually go there). I agree this is pretty radical thinking, but then what about the prediction that if you go to Las Vegas you’re gonna end up poor. Or, if you play chase the ace or find the lady, you will loose. Ahhhh I hear you say, those last 2 are rigged. And, there are people who win the lottery or huge at craps… but they are the exception… and an exception to science?… Given this example of space, you’d think it’d be a pretty simple thing to land a little robot on the surface of Mars, but we only seem to be in the high 60% success range for that.. only just above pure chance.

Provability
God doesn’t exist because no-one can prove that he does. However science is real because someone has proved that stuff does what it does because… well, just because. I can’t prove anything about quantum mechanics because I don’t have the equipment to do it**. Therefore I have to trust that the guy telling me there is an equation that proves it… there’s some faith here!!! I can prove the existence of god in the same way. Take some LSD you’ll see him for yourself, and it’s only the scientists that say LSD is an hallucinogen, and what you see is not actually real – of course they’re gonna say that.

** Oh, also they are called theoretical particles for a reason!

Beliefs
So, having just proven that science is a belief, it is no better or worse than religion. People follow it because they can prove to themselves to their own level of satisfaction that it is the right thing to do.

Politics
Surely no-one cares how you make your decision, whether it be science, ouija board or divine voice; the people will let you represent them if they believe you have their best interests at heart. Scientists will agree with you, those where science has abandonned them will follow the other guy.

So, Mr PhD Brooks do your thing, represent your constituents and stop belittling your opposition and their beliefs, unless that’s all you’ve really got. Oh, and stop using your publication ability to further your political intentions. I’m sure that’s illegal somewhere. Get back to writing about science.

Bootnote: If people wanted value for money, they’d stop shelling out for stupid reports and sack half the middle management in local government… just for a start!!! Alternative therapy does help a lot of people… way more than the visible side of politics ever did!

There are 3 justifications for this.

The bible says so

God made man in his own image. Man has a belly button, therefore god has one.

The holy trinity argument

The father, the son and the holy spirit are interchangeable and are the same thing when required. Jesus (The son bit) was born of Mary and therefore has a belly button. The father is the same as the son, ergo the father has a belly button.

Intelligent design says so

If you look at the belly button (and umbilical cord) as a functional component, then it is in a really stupid place. The best place to stick the umbilical cord would be close to the heart, and on the chest – a third nipple so to speak. So, what must have happened is that god thought to himself, “ok, all the other holes and orifices are taken, what about this useless bump in the middle of my belly? Hmm.. lets stick it there”

What about Adam and Eve?

Well, since we have now established that god had a belly button, then so did Adam and I guess Eve. A more interesting question though… Eve was made from one of Adam’s “Spare ribs”… So, Amniotic fluid, or basting sauce?

 I investigated a few things and I fould out that the orange jump suit and font used on it are copyrighted by the US Department of Corrections.

So instead, mostly my own work (some small print about coming up with it on work time over lunch involving other people, but hey) I will be investigating a line of orange wear with my new logo:

Don’t try stealing it or I’ll have to send the boys round. No-one wants a bunch of deviant boys coming round… it’ll be like public school all over again.

• Kids will go “Oh well, that’s that gig over, better get on with the homework”
• Kids will grow up faster and learn to abuse the system quicker and easier
• Kids will get more adults to buy stuff for them in ‘proper’ shops
• Kids will take to crime to pay for the increased prices
• Underage prostitution will increase to pay for the binging

This last point raises an interesting point. Technically prostitution is selling services for cash. Giving alcohol could be construed in this fashion, but there is a clinical need to remove the taste after a blow-job, so you could legalise prostitution on medical grounds…

Happy days.

Not wanting to get shut down under the terror act, but if you are going to take liquid explosive onto a plane, why not just swallow it in a time release bag so that when it get to the acid in your stomach it explodes. You are going to die anyway, why make checking in more of a pain for the rest of us.

The government also want to shut down bomb making sites. Why! This is like illegalising hard drug taking, has that stopped people taking hard drugs? no, it just drives the whole activity underground where you cannot monitor it. Leave the sites alone and use them as a resource to see what people are making so you can arm your scanners and detectors.

Why not upgrade scanners, detectors and staff at airports? well the British Aviation Authority say that they can only stump up so much cost and the airlines won’t pick up the rest of the tab. This – like the spate of rail crashes we had a few years back – is yet another example of how profit and safety are completely inappropriate business allies.

Interestingly, British Airways reported £195M pre-tax profits for the first quarter of 2006 which was up 57% on last year.

Some businesses should be run for the benefit of the people, not for the benefit of the rich. Can you imagine what would happen if the NHS was privatised?

Bear this thought in mind next time you fly. security is a risk management business. You weigh the cost of something happening against the cost of preventing it from happening.

An example:

• Assume that the cost of a plane going down due to some activity is £1M and the likelihood of this happening is 1 per year.
• Assume the cost of managing extra staff, research and development of new detection techniques and the cost of hardware is £1.1M per year.

What do you think the likelihood of the extra measures being implemented are?

General Motors were sued in the 80’s for something similar. They had a problem in the braking system of a new car, that meant 1 in 5,000 cars would fail. The cost of recalling and fixing every car was estimated at something in the region of $5Bn. The cost from company image damage, lawsuits from the families of the people who died, and the development of a detection test and subsequent replacement of faulty parts was estimated at $1.5Bn – they settled out of court, and then subsequently tested every one of the cars over 2 years after the fault was found.

This particular act of remembrance amuses me. On the one hand, I do feel for the people who were caught in the explosions, and I also feel for and understand the emotions of their families, however, the attitude of the ‘evolved nations’ is that “we will not give in to terror, or show that we are affected by it.”

Hmm… lets play with the math.

• 65 million people in the UK, lets assume that 15 million work.
• Lets say that 50% of the workforce take the 2 minutes.
• Thats 25,000 man hours of no work in the British workforce.
• Lets assume the ‘average wage’ of those taking part is £8.00/h
• A total cost to the nation: £200,000

So, for a nation that ‘will not be affected by terrorist activity’, thats a pretty hefty burden. So if a terror cell wanted to provoke a response, I think a £200,000 voluntary response on top of the total cost for the cleanup and lost revenue for that alone mean that the terrorists have won.

Wouldn’t the families of those affected rather see that money going into better security, either national or local? Its 10 more bobby’s on the beat, its 6 more MI5 agents, another speed camera, a holiday for the families of those who lost their life.

What a complete waste of time and effort, not to mention a complete lack of respect of those who had their lives taken from them.

I watched the second half of the England – Ecuador match at the weekend, and I still have my firm belief in football.

Football is a game played by tossers, supported by tossers, and commentated by tossers.

I was pretty pissed off when, a few years back now, a pub full of Portugal supporters, including women and children, was attacked by English ‘fans‘ because of the outcome of a game.

I was also enraged when one of the players was asked about the really crap performance England had in there first game (where they won 1-0 from an own goal) and they said that it was the end result that counted.

This is crap. Its a fucking GAME! 22 blokes get together to kick a pigs bladder around an open space.

Where is your national pride! I hear you scream. Fuck national pride, any nation that supports the bullying of the weak, wanton violence and mindless destruction, can kiss my arse. It was wrong when we did it to the native Americans, the South Africans and the native Australians, it was also wrong when Hitler wanted to do it. Its still wrong now.

Mind you its good that we support a sport that we are shite at, kinda like siding with the underdog, but then lets review:

• Football – crap
• Cricket – crap
• Rugby – crap
• Athletics – crap
• Underwater basket weaving – moderate to crap

And finally on the note of national pride; When the ‘English‘ team consists of only English members, then there may something to be proud of. Something that regional teams should bear in mind because when it was a local event, it was also a family event, and a real sport.

• Axe murdering my family
• Resisting the urge to ‘Go Postal’ at work
• Telling little children Father Christmas is not real
• Flicking the back of my daughters knees while she’s learning to walk

Thinking about it though, I have not yet ‘Gone Postal’, or axe murdered any of my family, and my daughter is now nearly 2 and walks fine, so technically this year should be a breeze.

While there are a few people I would like to see attempting to give up breathing for lent, this tradition is about hardship. Giving up luxuries is hardly this. You watch in a couple of years we might see this time of year commercialised as badly as Christmas and Easter. Reductil the wonder weightloss drug, and Niquitin (plus some will-power) for your Havana craving. Who’d have thought plastic surgery would have become so popular.

For this Lenten season, I ask that you consider giving up tolerance. It would be a start and my family did it when I was 12 and we are o.k.