Yes, I do know real people. (more…)

So, "Man-flu" that’s a poor attempt at mild ccough, but "bird-flu", well, that can kill.

Funny how the world works.

Horrar. I’m not personally five years old today: If you talk to my boss he’d say I was actually born yesterday, but actually the first posting on this site was made 5 years ago today. And to celebrate, I thought I’d share a picture of me in my speedos… (more…)

Some numpty reckons that banning cheap booze in supermarketswill stop under-age binge drinking. Probably the same guy that reckons banning condoms will stop teenage pregnancy, or that because drugs are illegal, no-one takes them.
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All the tree hugging hippies ramble on about saving the planet… think about it for a minute…

Mankind is like a bad dose of planetary herpes. Once we pollute the planet enough the human race will kill itself off and cease to exist, leaving the planet to recover and only bear the scar of humanisation.

don’t think it’s true? The planet is 2.5 billion years old, it collided with another planet that became our moon and still survived. Think back to “the asteroid incident” 65 million years ago, killed off 95% of the species on the planet… the Earth… fine!

So if you’re that worried about the planet, end the suffering and go buy a huge V8 that does 2 miles to the gallon.

In common use it generally refers to a generic non-measurement of any kind in a similar vein to “widgets”, however it is actually a speed.

The barleycorn was used as a measurement of length in early Anglo-Saxon times, now, generally accepted as one third of an inch.

Therefore your average person walks at approximately 127,733,760 barleycorns per fortnight.

2 miles per hour
== 10,560 feet per hour
== 126,720 inches per hour
== 380,160 barleycorns per hour
== 9,123,840 barleycorns per day
== 63,866,880 barleycorns per week
== 127,733,760 barleycorns per fortnight

And, to answer the question

A barleycorn per fortnight is 3.91439 × 10^-9 mph

Interestingly, a poppy seed is a quarter of a barleycorn.

I was writing to a buddy of mine, and a notion occurred to me…

The search for happiness is like licking your own elbow: seems pretty simple to start with, but you nearly always end up falling off the sofa more times than you had anticipated.

In the civilised world where a convicted kidnapper and child molester has more rights than the victims they terrorised, we spend millions defending them in a fair trial, then feed and clothe them for the rest of their life. Even before we get them into court, we spend hours negotiating with them, corden off the street, evacuate old people from neighbouring homes…

The Chinese hostage negotiation handbook is a little simpler.
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Due to a scientific quirk called the Mpemba effect hot water can freeze quicker than cold water.
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I got sent this today, and I have to say, it is the funniest thing I have seen in a very long while. Needless to say that the world is going to hell in a hand basket, and these three fellas are riding that puppy home.